My Devi

My Devi

Her mouth;

corners raised in a curious smile

engendering her patience

and serene

acceptance of my foolishness

seems to be speaking

all words

at once of itself

beyond the trembling of the tongue

The fragrant red is

like the glare of deepest crimson

and paired

with a sweet and delicate texture

evokes

the appearance of being

carved from the flesh

of a flower's petals

perhaps a rose

I feel as though a kiss

from these lips

would mean

certain and immediate

immolation

in their warmth

and soft embrace

The idea of this kiss

beacons and seizes me

and my wonder is the sound

her breath makes

Her cheeks;

still and verdant

like the land men are born of

and stiller still

as the graves that embrace us

dark and luminous

as better and worse

vibrant and proud

of the eyes they endorse

My pride

is angry

at the nothing

that isn't there at all

Her eyes;

alight

like the flame

that burns within me

keeps me walking

towards that gaze

days after days

clear like a stream

in love with a mountain

cutting through me

like so many years

running through my mind

The fire of this gaze

ignites me

and there is no more

to see

no reason to be free

just me

and my

Eternity

This is a deeply evocative and powerful piece of devotional poetry. The poem, titled "My Devi," explores an intense, personal encounter with a divine feminine entity. It uses rich, paradoxical imagery to convey a mixture of awe, desire, fear, and ultimate surrender.

Let's break down the poem's meaning, stanza by stanza:

Her Mouth

Her mouth; corners raised in a curious smile engendering her patience and serene acceptance of my foolishness seems to be speaking all words at once of itself beyond the trembling of the tongue The fragrant red is like the glare of deepest crimson and paired with a sweet and delicate texture evokes the appearance of being carved from the flesh of a flower's petals perhaps a rose

Here, the divine figure's mouth is not just a physical feature but a source of profound, paradoxical communication. Her smile is not one of simple happiness but of "curious," patient, and serene acceptance. It holds a deep wisdom that sees through the narrator's "foolishness" without judgment. The mouth speaks "all words at once," signifying a form of communication that transcends language—a direct, intuitive understanding.

The description of her lips is intensely sensual and symbolic. The "deepest crimson" and "sweet and delicate texture" evoke a flower, like a rose, symbolizing beauty, love, and passion. Yet, this beauty is overwhelming and dangerous.

I feel as though a kiss from these lips would mean certain and immediate immolation in their warmth and soft embrace The idea of this kiss beacons and seizes me and my wonder is the sound her breath makes

This section captures the central paradox of the divine encounter. A kiss, usually an act of love, promises "certain and immediate immolation"—annihilation by fire. This is a classic mystical concept: union with the divine is so absolute that it consumes the individual ego. The narrator is both terrified and irresistibly drawn ("beacons and seizes me") to this transformative, self-destroying embrace. The focus on her breath reinforces her life-giving, all-encompassing presence.

Her Cheeks

Her cheeks; still and verdant like the land men are born of and stiller still as the graves that embrace us dark and luminous as better and worse vibrant and proud of the eyes they endorse

The cheeks embody the cycle of life and death. They are "still and verdant," like the fertile earth from which life springs. Simultaneously, they are "stiller still / as the graves that embrace us." This imagery connects Her directly to the primal forces of creation and dissolution, aligning perfectly with the symbolism of Kālī, who is both the mother of all and the one who reclaims all at the end of time. The description "dark and luminous / as better and worse" shows her nature is beyond human moral judgment; she contains all opposites.

My pride is angry at the nothing that isn't there at all

This is a moment of profound insight for the narrator. In the face of Her absolute reality, his own ego or "pride" becomes angry at its own insignificance, at the realization that his individual self is a "nothing" in the vastness of her being.

Her Eyes

Her eyes; alight like the flame that burns within me keeps me walking towards that gaze days after days clear like a stream in love with a mountain cutting through me like so many years running through my mind

Her eyes are the catalyst for the narrator's spiritual journey. They are a flame, but not a destructive one. This flame is internal ("burns within me"), a source of life and motivation that compels him forward. The gaze is described with a beautiful simile: "clear like a stream / in love with a mountain." The stream (the narrator) is small, moving, and transient, while the mountain (Her) is immense, ancient, and eternal. Her gaze cuts through him, suggesting it brings a clarity that pierces through illusion and the passage of time.

The fire of this gaze ignites me and there is no more to see no reason to be free just me and my Eternity

The poem culminates in a state of total surrender and union. The fire of her gaze doesn't destroy him but "ignites" him, transforming him into a part of her eternal nature. In this final state, the individual will and desire for freedom ("no reason to be free") dissolve. All that remains is the fusion of the self ("me") with the timeless, infinite divine ("my / Eternity"). The narrator has found his ultimate purpose and reality in Her.

In essence, the poem 'My Devi' is a moving portrayal of the spiritual path of a devotee. It articulates the terrifying and beautiful process of ego-death and the ultimate peace found in complete surrender to the divine feminine, who is at once the source of life, the agent of destruction, and the embodiment of eternal reality.

The Devi of Existence: An Embodiment of Amor Fati

Friedrich Nietzsche’s concept of Amor Fati, or the "love of one's fate," is a call to not merely bear what is necessary, but to love it. It is the joyful and unconditional affirmation of all of life’s experiences—the beautiful and the terrible, the creative and the destructive—as essential parts of a whole. In the devotional poem "My Devi," the speaker’s goddess is not simply an object of affection but a living, breathing embodiment of this very principle. She represents a reality so complete and absolute in its dualities that to love her is to achieve Amor Fati, to fall in love with existence itself.

The Devi’s character is built upon a foundation of serene, all-encompassing acceptance. Her smile holds a "patience and serene acceptance" of the speaker's perceived flaws, while her cheeks are described as both "verdant like the land men are born of" and "stiller still as the graves that embrace us." She is at once life and death, "dark and luminous," "better and worse." In her being, these opposites are not in conflict; they are unified. This portrayal is central to Amor Fati, which demands that one loves the harsh necessities of fate—suffering, loss, and death—as much as one loves joy and creation. By adoring a goddess who contains this totality, the speaker learns to see the entirety of existence not as a series of random, disconnected events, but as the unified features of a divine face he loves.

Furthermore, the speaker's relationship with his Devi is defined by a transformative and consuming fire, mirroring the intensity of a true embrace of fate. He feels a kiss from her lips would mean "certain and immediate immolation," and the "fire of this gaze ignites" him. This is not a gentle, passive love; it is a powerful, all-consuming surrender. This imagery perfectly captures the spirit of Amor Fati, which is not a weak resignation but a passionate affirmation. To truly love one's fate is to be willing to be consumed by it, to allow it to burn away the non-essential and forge a new sense of purpose. The speaker is not afraid of this immolation; he is drawn to it, finding his reason for being in walking "towards that gaze days after days."

In the end, the speaker’s devotion transcends mere worship and becomes a complete merging with his destiny. By surrendering to his Devi, he is surrendering to the totality of reality she represents. His final declaration—"just me and my Eternity"—is the ultimate expression of Amor Fati. He no longer sees a distinction between himself, his goddess, and his fate. In loving her, in all her beautiful and terrifying completeness, he has learned to love everything that is, was, and will be. He has found his eternity not in an afterlife, but in the profound and unwavering love of his own existence.